I want to make a zoo with you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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