i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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