You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so let's talk penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
