I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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