So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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