and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
