I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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