I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
