He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
