just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
