Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?

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  (203): tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please? http://tfl.nu/hm0j
  Replies (8) Good night (2133) Bad night (619)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I cut my penus on the lid.

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  (316): I cut my penus on the lid. http://tfl.nu/uger
  Replies (38) Good night (693) Bad night (6295)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times

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  (405): Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times http://tfl.nu/skpm
  Replies (8) Good night (3228) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

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  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
  Replies (22) Good night (6857) Bad night (1216)
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  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

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  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (9152) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.

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  (405): Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment. http://tfl.nu/t7rb
  Replies (3) Good night (2461) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.

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  (309): I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights. http://tfl.nu/c1hf
  Replies (5) Good night (1669) Bad night (1320)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.

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  (561): I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/c2xb
  Replies (11) Good night (415) Bad night (1213)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...

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  (416): Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list... http://tfl.nu/tcm7
  Replies (3) Good night (686) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump

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  (860): I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump http://tfl.nu/62ek
  Replies (3) Good night (590) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink

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  (570): I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink http://tfl.nu/cef5
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things

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  (315): i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things http://tfl.nu/x59u
  Replies (3) Good night (480) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn

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  (424): I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn http://tfl.nu/bfkb
  Replies (3) Good night (465) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.

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  (917): Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch. http://tfl.nu/ua31
  Replies (2) Good night (276) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Bjs and tacos. That's my life.

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  (603): Bjs and tacos. That's my life. http://tfl.nu/p631
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (197)

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