those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
