Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.