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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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• (315): View more from New York

  And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.

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• (909): View more from California

  Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.

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