my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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