3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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