If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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