I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
