That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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