Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
