I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
