Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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