Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina is officially offended.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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