i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
