so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
