Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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