i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
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She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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