Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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(619): View more from California

its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know

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(240): View more from Maryland

just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five

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(914): View more from New York

im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.

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