either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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