I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
