He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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