the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
