Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
