So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize