your parents love me but you hate me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
