____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
