Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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