That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
