I hate all girls vehemently.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
