Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
