but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
