Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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