JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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