I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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