At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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