That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
