I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
