you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize