I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
