i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
