Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
