Already got asked if we're dating
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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