i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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