Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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