wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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