stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
