he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
