you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
