There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
