I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.