you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.