At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk