Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.