if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We left the knife in your bed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
