Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
