i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
