are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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