It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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