oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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