Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't put those talents on a resume
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
