I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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