I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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