Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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