I want to make a zoo with you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
