hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
