I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
