I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
