So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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