we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize