I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish i was in the wii world.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
