I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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