all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
