Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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