I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
