you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
