before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
