I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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