chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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